My body aches something fierce, but I know when I was institutionalized for a week it hurt worse and all I did was sleep whenever I felt discomfort. Now I'm writing again, trying to document my efforts to combat the past. My mom was livid this morning when I told her that I had fallen off the wagon over the weekend. She is so concerned that I will die from alcoholism, and even though I told her not to worry I know she can't help it.
I started to write a list of the “Big 5” elements that have led me astray or towards alcoholism. The Good & Bad directions as I call it, the bad directions are just appalling but that is how I was living. The Good directions can possibly lead me towards true acceptance and happiness… but it’s also different than anything I’ve ever committed to in the past.
I spent most of last night staring at a blank document trying to figure out how to stay sober. I know attending group meetings will help a lot, but I obviously need more support from others.
And I still need to commit to finding a therapist to help with my bipolar episodes which I'm sure are pushing me towards drinking and depression a lot.
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