Whenever anything in my adult life correlates with my childhood, I experience a deep dark rage... it just comes out of nowhere and takes over my entire mood and personality.
Last week, a coworker decided to put my in a choke-hold, even though the person was obviously playing around, it made me very angry and I felt like I was being victimized, so I reported him to the facility manager. In the process, I believe I made a lot of enemies, people sort of looked at me like I was a snitch, even though they haven't told me personally... when they look at me... I feel like it was my fault. There is no amount of comfort that can shake how I feel right now... I want to commit acts of violence.
I know... it wasn't my fault... but I feel so angry that I even allowed it to happen in the first place, it's like people don't respect me enough not to do that.
I don't know... I hate feeling like a victim, I want revenge, I want to satisfy this blood thirst within me... but I know, that no amount of revenge, violence, or acts of vengeance will make me feel better.
But I can't shut off the emotions that are literally screaming within me. I sense this whole entire situation has triggered another Bipolar Episode. I want to get drunk to quiet the rage within me, but I don't know... I feel so alone in this battle, so alone in this endless anger that wants to express itself.
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