Whatever

I don't know what to say really, I just don't know how to get rid of the stress factor in my life. All weekend, I've been fighting severe abdominal cramps and trying to find a way to not dwell too much on my life. Today, is no different more IBS cramps and still no relief from the way I feel overall. Last night, I visited with my friend Keith, and we talked for awhile which was nice. But even he noticed that I seemed more stressed out than usual, and that I seemed to be repeating myself when it came to things we talked about.

Yesterday, I compromised and lied... all within the same hour. I just had to make a decision because I didn't know what else to do and I didn't feel like fighting or being challenged anymore... I just wanted some peace in my soul. However, I still want to fight, I just don't have the energy to do so right now, and I don't know how to win... so I don't want to just fight for the hell of just fighting. I dunno what is going on with me, my body and mind are just conflicting with each other left and right... and I won't lie a part of me just wants it all to end. It's not the holidays, and it isn't one particular or specific thing. I'm just overall tired of some of the choices and aspects in my life. So I hope this week, things will be okay for me, and that there will be a shift in my life. But I'm not confident that things will improve for me at this time... I just don't know anymore.