A Soft Touch

As much as I like to come across as rough and tough, I know that I'm always the person that a person can come to for help, and I'll give it to them even if I know I shouldn't. I can't always hide the fact that I have a big heart, and that people either think I'm not capable of being deeply passionate about someone, or that I'm just a bastard at times. I just want to help people if they need help, I don't even expect or want anything in return; I just want to help them. However, I know I'm capable of being taken advantage of by people, but it’s not easy for anyone to take advantage of me... I have to really care about someone to be willing to help them.

Lately, I actually was a bit harsh towards a few of my friends, I betrayed ones trust, told another they were basically dumb, and just simply ignored another. I can be a bit of a bastard at times, but I'm that way for a lot of reasons because I want people to show me more than just their emotions all the time. I want people to show me that they are capable of doing things without limits, boundaries, or values. Living is hell, just like being in war is hell. You can either make decisions based on how you feel, or you can make decisions because you just want to make sure you and the people around you are moving forward. Crying and being indecisive solves nothing; allowing your emotions to control your decisions means nothing. You have to be decisive and not flinch in the face of challenges that lay in front of you.

So yes, I decided to help a friend out... she begged and pleaded on behalf of her children... and I decided to help them. I didn't have a conversation, I simply informed them of my decision and that was that. It's likely that I'll do it again, but helping is just who I am... but I guess the only thing I ask in return is not to be taken as a fool or idiot. I'm pretty damn smart, and I know when I'm being manipulated, however this time... I wasn't manipulated or taken advantage of... so I helped. But I know that I won't be a soft touch forever, and I know eventually I'll have sought out a balance within myself that is free emotional weakness.

I'm a highly sensitive person, but I don't like to act like it or show people that I am.