Equal Love

I was 18 yrs old when I first experienced this emotion we call "love" for someone. I didn't know what it was that I felt at the time, I didn't know if it was lust, infatuation, or even the desire to be near that specific individual. So, I just called it love, and anytime I'm bawling my eyes out in front of a crowd of people because I have to let someone go... I'd still call it "love". But I'd say that the love I supposedly felt at 18, is a lot different than the love I'm feeling at the age of 33. Because when I was younger, all I wanted to do was love just one person, and now that I'm older... I know that I love more than one person. However, in my mid-20's; I decided to throw away the term "in love" because it just caused too much confusion and conflict within myself. As I met different people, I realized that people have different stages of emotions for various amounts of people. So, I decided to just keep it simple for myself and say... I Love You to the people that I simply love. Of course, that might cause problems for people who want to feel more important than others when it comes to love. But I'm not a selfish person when it comes to my feelings, so I feel its better to just express it to the people that mean a great deal to me.

When people try to tell me that I don't love them, I usually look at them with pity and sadness, because they either have a distorted view of love or really don't love themselves. Or they simply want to view my actions as the only real proof that I love them. For me love is an emotional connection that I choose to share or feel with someone, but it doesn't mean I need to prove I love someone in order for them to believe that I love them or not. I love people for who they are towards me, and I love hard so that isn't something that is likely to change. Which means it can sometimes take decades for my feelings for someone to completely change. But I do find that others around me have a very selfish view of love, as if its something to withhold and hide from expressing to others. Or as some have told me, "Dorian love is an important emotion for me, so I don't just tell people I love them." I'm not bothered by the view that people have different usages for love, however for me... I choose to love everyone the same, no one better or less. Because I know everyone wants to at least know that someone in this world loves them. However, let me be clear... there is no difference for me between the love I have in a relationship, friendship, family, or my Bass Guitar. Because love is too deep of an emotion to try to place into categories. Anyway, just knowing that someone loves me is enough, it doesn't really matter where I rank in their lives.