Coming and Going...

One minute I'm happy and the next I'm depressed. Today, I just felt agitated... that uncontrollable annoying anguish... like an eyelash in my eyes... or a fly that annoying flies around my desk.

My boss told me that I should be more tactful in how I communicate with people, but lately all I want to do is rip people's throats out with my teeth. Not that I would, but that is how I feel... just severely helplessness.

The wife and I got into it last night, mostly because I was depressed and wanted to be alone... and she wanted attention or to at least let me recognize that she was in the same room. I hated having to be forced into making someone happy when I can't even make myself happy at times. It's the forced aspect that I think I hate... being forced to live... it's like a bloody curse or bad dream.

But I'm trying to hold onto hope... I got some tips from a great friend... so I'll take the suggestions, and I hope it can pull me out of the abyss. I feel as though I've been in this abyss forever. Last week, I had a dream that I haven't had since I was in the 3rd grade... when I had a nightmare that one day I'd be in a white room surrounded by four walls and unable to talk or associate with anyone. I hate to admit it, but I sometimes fear I'll end up in a mental hospital or asylum. Kinda bleak to think that way, but I can't help it... it's that lingering feeling.

Sort of thought about going back on facebook, but I deactivated both my accounts and I honestly don't think going back on any social website would help my mental health... so I'm still on the fence regarding that.

Eh... I just hate it all right now... the damn fluctuating... I'm hoping tomorrow will be better... but I don't trust my feelings or moods anymore... just going through the fucking motions of life.