Reluctance

We all have certain skill sets, yet often times we never get a chance to utilize those skill sets because we are at the wrong place at the wrong time, or we haven't motivated ourselves to learn certain skills.

It seems about right that I would find myself on stage playing my bass guitar for the wrong crowd every Sunday, in fact when I'm given the opportunity to play I retreat from the opportunity because of fear. Not sure if fear is the correct word or not, but as of late... I've held myself up on a lot of things out of some preconceived notion that I'm not good at anything anymore.

Maybe I am good, I'm just rusty or out of practice... yet... I keep hearing that same phrase... "PRACTICE". But would it be wrong for me to believe that I'm reluctant to practice, or I'm just lazy and unwilling to practice.

I'm going to give in and just admit that I'm afraid, lazy, unwilling, and reluctant to believe that I'm capable of more. Even though I'm married, I try to convince myself that working harder and making more money should be a motivation for me... but I lacking a certain motivation... and I don't really know what it is.