23

It's now 23 weeks since Lisa moved from Canada to be with me in California as my wife. We've had our ups and downs, and we've had our fair share of arguments and heated discussions. Often times, I find myself having to walk a straight and narrow line in order to keep her happy and to continue to find some middle ground in our relationship. Sometimes, she is happy and sometimes she is frustrated. This weekend, I simply felt that outside influences brought her emotions crashing down to the floor. Over the weekend her brother had gotten married, and I thought that would be a happy time for her, but somehow the emotions that resonated from that event brought her emotions down... and I'll admit I was seriously caught off guard by it. Saturday night she went to bed in a bad mood, and then on Sunday she took her frustrations out on me because I decided to go to church, in which she ended up feeling as though I didn't want to spend time with her. She did a lot of crying on Sunday though, in fact since moving to California I've seen her do a lot of crying... its a heart breaker when someone you love is crying and you can't seem to do anything to stop them from crying.

I have a whiskey and cigarette problem... in fact the drinking has been a very bad routine. I've grown quite fond of drinking whiskey everyday in order to slowly help me adjust to living with someone and my increasingly frustrated work situation. But I've told myself that I won't drink again until New Year's Eve... and I'm hoping that along the way I can establish a strong self-will so that I do not break anymore promises to stop drinking and smoking. I guess there is a serious lesson in all of this, that the things I do or don't do can have a serious impact on my relationship. But any relationship can always be based on what we aren't doing for the other person, and in my situation I have no choice but to comply so that I can have some peace in my house... its a compromise but a necessary compromise it seems.

Compromise always exists in any relationship, but me and Lisa have never had a normal relationship. There is a lot within our relationship that can be considered unfinished business... and because we've never had past opportunities to spend a lot of time around each other, at times we bump heads a lot. Currently we're bumping heads because I sense that Lisa misses certain aspects of Canada a lot, and wants to find better ways to socialize, make more friends, and contribute more financially. However, finances will be stretched for awhile until Lisa can find some level of work and we finish up everything with the Green Card Process.