Earlier today, I had vented my frustration that I want a new life. My life lately seems to be filled with more stress and uncertainty then it did before I started living with someone. It's as if I wake up everyday, feeling like today will be no different then the previous day. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, but that is how I'm feeling. Last night I vented in an explosive manner towards my fiancee, because I feel like having a wedding at this early stage was a colossal mistake and a waste of financial resources. Putting on this show (wedding) is just a waste, because we're paying for everything regarding the wedding. And anyone that helps us with the wedding will more then likely want the money back.
No one should ever start a marriage in debt, and there should be no logical reason why I'm putting on more debt just to have a ceremony that didn't need to happen. The immigration issue hasn't even been resolved yet, but somehow the wedding is going to happen before the immigration status has been confirmed.
I'm supposed to be the man of the house so to speak, but lately I feel like a weak ass bitch who has been used and manipulated by her family and sometimes by her. I've had to hold off paying bills for an entire month, just to pay for this wedding, and even after the wedding is paid for and the wedding happens. Then I have to find a way to come up with $4500 for the immigration; not to mention soon after that I have to find a way to get my truck fixed and make sure that I can start paying down my debts and putting food on the table. My frustration is endless at this point, because I have major concerns right now... and there is no healthy way of dealing with my concerns.
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