Mysterious Ways

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

I'll admit without any hesitation that there are times that I'm psychologically compromised and confused about my life. However, that should not mean that I'm not a happy, positive, and passionate individual. I sometimes get the impression that people read my blogs expecting something positive to come out of my mind all the time. But for me there is no such thing as a positive or negative when it comes to talking or venting about how you feel about life. Life is a journey, and you do end up having to struggle and fight everyday just to make it to the next day. People shouldn't be forced or obligated to hide their internal struggles or demons to make others feel better.

I'm a Christian, and I am a believer in God, however that doesn't mean wear a mask of total happiness and joy to make others believe I'm a follower of Christ. I think its rather sad when people don't talk about the large spectrum of feelings and thoughts that race through their lives. I've been a Christian all of my life (since 5 yrs old), even though some of the things I do don't necessarily represent Christ, that doesn't imply I'm not a Christian. I love God and I'm glad he is in my life.

The recent death of Junior Seau troubled me greatly because he suffered quietly in silence and put on a mask that made everyone happy and comfortable being around him. But his death was a wake-up call for me, because it reminded me that there will always be those who remain silent about their pain and are usually afraid to talk about their struggles with depression because they will be labeled or think they are always negative. His death told me to make sure that I'm there for everyone and anyone that needs someone to be there for them. I want people to talk to me, I want people to know they are never alone and that I won't judge them, or condemn them... I want people to know that suicide is never the way, and that whatever problems they are dealing with... I will help them no matter what.

When I was younger, someone told me that my depression was a Spirit that I could only be delivered from through prayer. And for awhile, I simply went with that view, that there was a spirit inside of me that was keeping me unhappy and depressed. Later on, I came to realize that when some Christians call depression a spirit, they are also showing their ignorance because they are limiting their ability to help others because they themselves don't know how severe depression can be. I've been through a lot of things in my life that have contributed to my depression, but I rarely tell other Christians about my internal struggles because they are so quick to just pray for me, instead of talking to me and helping me through the pain and anguish I feel. It's like I want to tell people God has brought you into my life so that you can help me, talk to me, and show me a different way of working on things. Don't get me wrong, we should always pray for people, because I know God hears our prayers, but that doesn't mean you should simply rely only prayer to help people.

God works in mysterious ways, and sometimes he will not show us his ultimate plan for our lives. And I'm enjoying life right now, but that doesn't mean its totally perfect either, I'm adjusting to the elements around me, and I'm having a great time learning from the people around me. And I know once I settle down into new habits, behaviors, and routines... I'll be more inspiring to others and others will be more inspiring and beneficial in my life. And I want to help others just like I know others want to help me; but I want to encourage people to allow God to work through them, even if they don't necessarily believe in God or know his plan for their lives.