When I was in my late teens, I was part of my schools basketball team and in the previous year we had won the Regional Basketball Championship. I had told myself that during my senior year, I wanted to focus more on my education and less on basketball. However, my dad told me that I had no choice but to play on the basketball team, because we didn't have a lot of players and that it was important that I continue playing. I remember believing I had to stand up against my father's wishes no matter the consequences so I told him that I refused to do so. I told him that I wanted to quit the team and focus more on my education. He lectured me, and told me that no one likes a quitter and that I'll be letting other people down... he also told me that if I didn't play he would make sure that my senior year was hell on earth. He probably didn't say "Hell on Earth" but he made it clear that if I didn't do as he asked he would make my last year unpleasant. Eventually, I gave in and decided it was best to comply with his wishes than do what I wanted.
After awhile, “not quitting” became a fixed position in my life and stuck with me. It stuck with me to the point that I felt that I had no real choice in my life but to stick with something even if it made me miserable, unhappy, and brought no real personal growth into my life. I simply would continue fighting for elements in my life no matter what kind of negative impact it had on my life and that no matter what I started I had to finish it no matter what. And don't get me wrong, I don't blame my father for creating that belief of not simply quitting something because I don't like doing it. I developed a habit of sticking with something no matter how it made me feel, but at the same time... there are so many elements in my life that make me completely miserable.
Just this week, I finished a 13-month project on Complacency, because I realized in 2011 I had truly become complacent and stuck. The list is at least 4 pages long and is detailed enough that I have a clear picture of how I ended up where I am today. But I also discovered a huge decrease of friends, challenges, and happiness in my life in the last decade that can't be ignored anymore. I have some serious issues that I have to deal with, and I have to make the painful choice of quitting a lot of elements in my life that are hindering my ability to move forward and make my life better.
I'm reminded of a conversation I had on Monday with a friend, about how people sometimes continue to keep people in their lives that make them unhappy and don't bring anything to the table. An example of this can be relationships, if you're with someone that doesn't truly make you happy... don't lie to yourself and try to convince yourself that things will get better down the road. I mean, if you have 3 children and the other parent refuses to work and contribute to the family, then you have a moral obligation to kick them out of your house. Another example can be addictions... if you have an addiction it can't be seen as a habit, because it’s become a daily part of your life... and it could very well be destroying your life, your friends, and your finances.
We can very well be our worst enemy, and not even be aware of it because we are simply stuck in our own heads. And sometimes we think in our arrogance that keeping people & elements in our lives is beneficial, when it really isn't. We have to QUIT sometimes, we have to let elements go. We have to let people go and let them do their own things in this world. Simply holding onto someone or something that isn't providing you with happiness is not healthy one bit. And lying to yourself isn't going to solve anything but continue to make you miserable, although it might provide you with some level of blind security.
I'm forcing myself to learn to quit more, and bring new elements into my life. But I'm also learning to focus more on what makes me happy, instead of what makes me comfortable and gives me a false sense of security. It's going to take time, and I've given myself a small amount of time to really continue to search my soul and switch things around in my life. But I refuse to believe that I can't quit anything anymore. Because I've even considered quitting the bass guitar, simply because I don't really know if playing it makes me happy any more, or if just doing it because I haven't learned how to do anything else. So its February now, and I have to get busy with living, or get busy dying.
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