I am DORIAN!

There is no real word for how I feel, there is no description I can share to describe how I feel either. However, I think if I looked hard enough I could find a definition for my state of being at this moment. I just don't give a damn at the moment to look it up.

I  feel betrayed, I just sort of feel as though people are always looking into areas of my life that they don't need to look at. I'm too damn direct for people to want to search other avenues to determining my being. I always tell people I'm a bastard and asshole, because I don't want people to be surprised when I suddenly act like one. I don't like keeping secrets, so I always try my best to express every aspect and element of my being.

Lately, I feel like people are simply looking at the wrong that I've done, and not really even thinking about who I am now and the changes I'm trying to make in my life. I'm not the same person I was before 2012, I'm different... I feel and see myself as older, mature, and driven by passion, desire, and free-will. But lately, I feel betrayed as if I've betrayed myself and allowed others to think and believe things about me without any resistance on my end. I truly believe that if you let people walk over you long enough, they will get so comfortable with tearing you down that your feelings regarding what they do will become overlooked. I have feelings too, and my feelings have been submissive and quiet for too long. Now don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying I want to go on some war-path, but I do feel the desire to shout that I am who I am... and the person you once knew before 2012 is long gone.

I sense when the 12th of March comes, my life will be altered and changed forever... and I long for that unique kind of change. I know what you're thinking... what is the 12th? Well, you'll know soon enough with everyone else that wants to know things in my life. But as my best friend always says... "It's my business!" However, I wish I had more close friends in my life, but I don't, and that is an element that I need to spend more time trying to establish in my world. I want more... I want a new truck for instance, and I want my financial situation to improve on a monthly basis. But more than anything... I WANT TO BE NEW! I want to wear new skin and feeling less hostile and aggressive, and more focused and deliberate in the way I express myself. I want people to see the real me, and not the mask that I sometimes wear.

I'll do what I can, I'll roar as loud as a lion so that the very ground in which people walk will shake so that they will know that I'm within their reach. The world is a big place, and I know that my time is limited to make my mark. But along this journey, I truly want people to see and witness the true DORIAN, and not some fake facade.

Wish me luck, on this new phase of my life.