Yesterday something happened to me at work and I'm really ashamed to even talk about it online or even at all. I mean, I'm 37 yrs old, and I would've never thought anything would happen to me at work. But I no longer feel safe at work, just because of the incident that happened.
I won't go into details but yesterday someone put me into a chokehold while at work, sure the guy was obviously playing around and didn't realize how uncomfortable it made me feel. But it really made me uncomfortable to be in my own skin, because I didn't defend myself against. I didn't react in an angry way or even try to tell someone about it. I sort of just allowed it to happen, the situation mirrored how I felt when I was raped when I was younger. I just allowed it to happen, never told anyone about it and never spoke out about it.
There is a quiet rage building up inside of me, I've been told that I should talk to the facility manager about it and I will... but at the same time... I can't help how I feel. It brought back up all that hateful rage against men, how some men just need to be put down like a wild animal.
I'll have the talk with the facility manager later on today, but before I do all of that I just needed to talk... I hate what I've truly become because I thought I was past all of that, I don't understand why I would allow someone to physically assault me at work and not do anything. It mirrors the past abuse I suffered at the hands of my brother, school yard bullies, and college harassment.
I always wanted to be the strong one, the one that people feared or at least respected enough not to be so callous and hostile towards me. But I'll talk to my facility manager later, maybe he can put a stop to it and go from there.
No comments:
Post a Comment