198lbs...

"I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be."
- Douglas Adams (British comic Writer, 1952-2001)

Well today I reached a milestone... I'm finally below 200lbs... I'm at 198lbs! I weighed myself once I got a chance while at work. Since I dislike weighing myself when I'm at home. Being at home is still a place that I dislike being at, its just something about being indoors for too long that I find depressing. I'm at work for 8 hours indoors, that having to be indoors when I'm at home is just annoying and frustrating. So whenever I get a chance to ride my bike or go somewhere that isn't at home or work... I'm there.

So, yes I did reach a milestone, but trying to keep my weight below 200lbs is going to be a struggle, because I still don't even look like I'm losing weight. I avoid mirrors because when I see myself, I still look fat, and I dislike taking pictures. The last picture that was took of me, made me a bit depressed that I found myself unmotivated and stopped riding my bike. My coworker didn't help, because he would secretly take pictures of me eating, and then send that picture to others demoralizing me. I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose, but I'm already self-conscious about the way people see me. Today, we even talked about Body Fat Percentage, and I told him that someday this year or next year I'll be around or below 15%. He laughed and said... I don't believe you. I wanted to punch him in the throat... but I just ignored him. I have to ignore the negativity and keep going.

Also, I only step on the weight scale once a week... which sometimes is a bit stressful because if I'm at the same weight from the previous week, I'll either get depressed or think I'm not working out hard enough. Which is why I'm cycling up to 18 miles per day. I don't want to be seen as a failure, and I don't want others to think I'm a failure either, so I bust my ass every day to be better.

So I'll take today as a good milestone, but I have a lot more work to do... and I'll keep pushing myself until I'm where I want to be.