Things continue to deteriorate at work, almost to the point that everyday is a massive fuck up. It's been a long time coming for me, and EDI. But it's also time to man up and deal with the consequences of working at something that causes me stress in my personal life.
I had another Bipolar Episode over the weekend, and the result was my wife being extremely hurt, and me sleeping on the couch for two days. I hated how I treated her, but I also hated the fact that I couldn't get rid of the dark feelings that continued to surge through my soul.
It can be said that the reason for all my mental health issues is the environment in which I work in. Especially if my soul is screaming for something new and more meaningful. I've been afraid of change for so long, and in spite of my continued unhappiness I stuck with it because I felt it was a better choice in the short run, while I continued to finish up the immigration process for my wife.
But now... I want out... I know I'll get fired soon, if I continue to work in something that I hate. And then I'll be in an even worse position. But based on all the bullshit that I've had to deal with these last 2 to 3 yrs... I think I'm tough enough to know what I can deal with... and what I can't.
I'm not going to resign until I have a new job; but I know it will be a massive paycheck reduction no matter what I choose. However, I also feel new doors will open in my life because of the change.
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