Unexpected Regrets

"In the end, you're doing nothing but easing that pain... and leaving yourself open to more crap."

I'll admit it, I have serious regrets now. They've been tugging at my soul for quite sometime now, but today everything just came to a head... and slapped me hard against my face. Everything is just a big giant mess right now, I thought that everything would work out in the end, but right now... I find myself in a heap of trouble that I don't see a clear way out of. I mean, I see a way out of it, but I think what might end up happening is that I'll have to make some very tough and heart-wrenching decisions in my life and relationship that might trigger some events to happen that I don't want.

I don't want to regret anything that I've done, but things are occurring in my life that I can't help but look at from a different perspective and cringe at the decisions I've made. I think the main problem in my own life is that I haven't been a leader, I've been a follower or simply leaving things to chance and allowing a lot of great opportunities to pass me by.

The one lesson that I'm totally understanding right now, is that I can never let my guard down... I have to look at the entire chess board and make the logical moves that will allow me to have more victories in my life. I have to become a leader in my marriage and life, I can't simply just make selfish decisions, I have to think about myself and my wife, but I can't help but feel like I've let myself down and my wife. The money just isn't there anymore, and I doubt it was even there to begin with... I'm going to have to dig deep within my very soul and pull my head out of my ass in order to make things work in my life.

Finances is always the biggest issue in any marriage, when the money stops flowing the problems start to arise from the frustration of not being able to do the things we want. I have to dig deep down within myself and stop thinking, and start doing... October has come around again, and I sense this month will set the tone for the rest of the year and in 2013. I have to focus more on the tasks in front of me, and make good decisions that will put more $$$ in my pocket. Because the biggest regret was getting married before resolving the immigration issue, and now when I need my wife to work... she can't because we don't have the money to finish the immigration forms so she can get married. I'm not placing blame... but I seriously regret not listening to my better judgement and resolving that issue first.

I hope that others will learn from my mistakes, and put their emotions in check, and take care of the hard and important decisions first, before trying to enjoy the celebrate a victory that has hardly been won.